home on a friday night. ACKK. how great. was supposed to meet beks and eve in holland around 9ish but things got screwed up. miscommunication prob and its my fault.. bah!

school is starting in less than a month's time. and frankly,i am quite scared. new environment and all.. bah. think i'll just be some anti social student.. and be a geeeeek. yes? spells d-a-p-h-n-e all the way. and i was just thinking, after my O's i spent like 7 months slacking. outta this 7 months, what have i gained? freaking 7 months. and you know what? i think ive gained nothing. in these 7 months, i spent wayyy too much on things that i dont even need. i spent lots of time 'hanging out'. i spent lots of money on cigs. lots of money on cab fares. and what exactly have i gained outta all these? nothing. and im feeling so fucking useless and yadayada now. feeling like crap.

mom's leaving on monday for a short holi with e relatives. will only be back on thursday. i have no idea how im going to survive alone. no maid, no mom. no one to make my bed. no one to cook dinner for me. no one to wash my clothes. no one to clean my room. no one to prepare breakfast. no one to bring the papers in for me while im having my breakfast. no one to clear my table. no one to draw my blinds. no one to clear my bags. no one to cut fruits for me. those 4 days are gonna be horrid days. i can sense it in my blood. and on top of that, 4 days at home alone with my brother,david. can anyone hear my agony? i will prolly have to buy dinner back for that lazy ass every night. dunno his car for what. cannot drive and buy. must make me walk. ass. and now i've come to realise..... how reliant i am on the maid and my mom.

im in this highly irritatable mood now. no idea why. maybe its cos im thinking too much again. maybe its just the after effects of being home on a friday night.. (after going thru mon-thurs looking forward to friday night,the start of a weekend.) and also cos this whole freaking week was so hectic. work.. tuition.. spending time with the girls and all. and the thought of giving tuition tomorrow morning is such a major turn off. dont even feel like going out tomorrow. maybe i should just stay at home on a saturday too. makes it sound better.. 'oh i stayed at home on fri night and sat.' sounds fuller. yes? why should i even bother meeting enlai (when he's so freaking nice to constantly ask me hows things.. hows e family..) to pass him e whole envelope of photos? cos i seriously think it wouldnt matter to danny anyway. not much of a difference. just some pictures of.. oh yah his family in singapore.

maybe its just the thought of school starting.
maybe its just the stress.
maybe its just the realisation that i have to be dependant once school starts. this means doing an ala-danny.. studying and working at the same time.
maybe its just the lack of nicotine for NINE days.
maybe its just me. as usual. me me me me me.